Being Asked Out By Strangers, Unwanted Attention, & Catcalling

A year ago today, I wrote a post about a couple of my experiences by guys when alone in town. If you want to see that post then here is the link:
http://johannaisabelleroselife.blogspot.ch/2017/03/out-and-about-being-asked-out-by.html
If you don't want to use the link, then you can search it on my blog.
That post was titled: Out And About: Being Asked Out By Strangers And Unwanted Attention

I was wanting to make another post with the same topic, and I planned on doing it today, then I scrolled back on my blog to see when I posted the last one and discovered I posted it a year ago exactly, and thought it was a better time then any to write this. 

I was talking to a couple of my online friends and we ended up talking about how careful we have to be as young girls and young women, when alone in the streets, or around people we don't know. The topic actually started on International Women's Day and I realised a lot of girls have experienced similar situations with young men. In fact, every one I talked to about it, and I had a conversation with about six or seven people plus a couple mentioned they had something happen to them too but didn't want to talk about it, had some experience or other, from being pressured to give some guy their number to being touched. One girl even mentioned that she was followed when walking home.

I was actually rather surprised how many people had something to say, no matter how small, and its actually really scary and worrying. We don't ask guys to give us attention when we are out in town, no matter what time of day it is or no matter what we are wearing. I know us girls may not always wear the most suitable types of clothes but it never means we are welcoming a guy in to touch us, call us names, or follow us.

If you read my last post on this topic then you will see that I was touched on a bus once. And the thing that was the most upsetting about that, that I didn't really pick up on until afterwards was that other people on the bus saw this guy touch my leg. They saw me try move away. They must have seen me get off the bus and try hide away from him but they did nothing. I have heard other girls, on YouTube, in blog posts, and those I have talked to personally say similar things. People being around, and seeing something happening, but doing nothing. That just breaks my heart.

People will say, to girls who have been touched or raped, that its the girls fault if something happens to them. I have seen videos of girls telling their stories and how they were asked what they were wearing on the day, or that they must have wanted it a little. Nobody wants to be touched or raped! I am over one hundred percent sure no girl, or boy, would take pleasure in being used by anyone.
And another thing thing is, its not just happening to them by strangers. It could be done to them by people they know too. Which is really scary!

I have actually come to a point where when I am out alone, I would rather stand if I am on a bus then sit down and have a guy sit next to me. I often put my bag in the empty seat beside me. I know not everyone is going to touch me or follow me off the bus but I don't want to risk it happening again. When walking around and I see guys looking at me or smiling at me, I feel uncomfortable and not look at them. Just the fact that I am never sure if some guy will try something, and I am always worried that someone might is just really sad.

I have some comments some girls messaged me interesting, and some were upsetting. And, I know this post seems a bit all over the place, but I am going to mention some of their comments and stories here. I won't be putting any names in, but here are some things I was told:

•  My mum's friend once said 'the female body can stop rape'. I really wanted to punch them, when they said that. Some people are so stupid!
• I have been touched inappropriately. I have been catcalled a couple times. One guy tried to grab my waist and pull me closer towards him, and I had to kick him in his private area to get him away from me. 
• I'm 12. I was with my stepdad and brother when these men were driving past in their car. They were aged about 20! They were whistling and they were like "damn".
• Men have said comments on the street, but nothing inherently sexual. 
• I was in a car park with my friend, and I was waiting for her in her car, while she took the shopping cart back. I looked over at the car parked beside hers, and there was a man sitting in the front seat, looking at me, and playing with himself. 
• I was with a friend, and this guy was in front and he exposed himself to us, while we were walking by.
• Some guy touched me while in a crowd. He touched my side, and I had to shake him off. Never really saw the guy.
• There was about a middle aged man that got off the bus, at the same stop as I did. He had given me some looks on the bus but I didn't really think about it. When walking from the bus stop, I realised he was following me. I ended up calling my dad to come pick me up. 
• I am afraid of dressing "cute" if I am going out because I have had a lot of attention from guys and now I am scared each time I am alone. I have been touched, almost raped, followed, and catcalled. 
• This guy between about 20 and 25, tried to get my number. I am 16. I told him I was not interested and he kept asking. I was going to give him a fake number, but I ended up panicking and I gave him my real number instead. 

So, there are a couple of stories that came up when I was talking to some girls. 

And, I am going to round up this post with some advice if you are ever alone when out and about. 

1. I remember being told, when much younger, that if I got lost when out and about I should go into a shop and ask for help or go to a women with children to ask for help.
2. I heard a couple people say to clench your keys in your hand, and if someone comes up to you then you could use it as a weapon to try protect yourself. 
3. If you are out in a night club or in a bar, stay with your friends and don't get separated. It is better if you stay altogether as it will be much safer. Also, don't leave your drink alone, as someone might spike it.
4. If you are lost don't act like you are lost and continue on as if you know exactly where you are going and what you are doing. People are more likely to try something with someone that seems lost or puzzled. 

I know this post is probably all over the place a bit, and I am sorry if it is. 

If you have experienced anything or have any advice for anyone, then leave that in the comments below. You might be able to help someone out.